Memo 4: Marriage + Family

Memo 4: Marriage + Family
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A Discussion On Marriage + Family…

I" do believe that marriage has a purpose, a specific purpose, that particularly protects women (and men, but mostly women) and I thereby encourage marriage being an end goal to any long-term romantic relationship. Being a long-time girlfriend leads you nowhere but to unprotected land. 

"I" do believe that having children "by yourself" repeatedly, without securing yourself and livelihood, may not be the smartest way to set yourself or your child up for a good life. "I" do believe that women need to make wiser decisions when it comes to "our" lives and making sure that we are properly positioned first. "I" do believe that at some point, we have to be accountable for the decisions that we make "continuously". 

"I" made the decision not to have another until I got married again, because "I" know that for "me" having more than one child would be a hassle I am not prepared to tackle. My daughter is 8, and therefore old enough to do certain things on her own and doesn't require the constant attention that would be required of me if I have another baby. And since I am "anti-make your oldest the baby sitter", I have chosen to wait until I find a man worth me gaining 60 pounds for and sleeping uncomfortably for 6 months. One who can provide me with the lifestyle that I require and grant me the opportunity to be home.

However,

I am neither blind or ignorant to the fact that for the average Black woman "this" is not a reality. I am also not silly enough to believe that "marriage" is or should be used as a prevention tool for becoming a single parent. Because as a woman who vowed to only have a baby by the man I married, get married and have a baby, only to then in turn become a single mother anyway, I know first hand that life doesn't give a damn about your plans or what you want.

There is no way to "prevent" becoming a single parent. There is no fail proofed method to prevent a woman from becoming a single parent, outside of abstaining completely from sex. ANYtime you allow a semen dripping cack to enter inside you, be it covered with a condom or you being on birth control, you still have at least a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant. Condoms break everyday, B. Birth control trips up every second, dawg.

Even if you do get married, if you ask the average Black married woman, they are STILL operating as a single parent because they do most of the parenting. They are still at least 70% responsible for the rearing of the child(ren).

And dating Tom and Bradley is no more of a guarantee than any other man. Tom and Bradley leave kids behind too while they are vacationing in Costa Rica with their secretary they told you not to worry about.

And Mama Sandy encouraged it because she never liked you anyway. Matter of fact, Mama Sandy introduced them, got her hired and arranged for a private dinner at the families vacation home that one time she told you it was just a small "private family meeting".

Also, NO one is EVER ready or prepared for a child. Especially not financially, and especially, if you are not in the 1%. Black women, particularly, will never be "ready" to have children. So it is both ignorant and insensitive to suggest that a woman should have to forego her dream or desire at motherhood because she can't get a job to pay her what she is worth. Even with a degree. 

Because it's not going to happen anytime soon.

Mind your own twat.

You'll live longer.

Jenn

Owner of Love My Black, LLC + Eighty5OH8 -Award Winning Blogger/Author | Viral Troublemaker | Mother of One | Brand and PR strategist