Memo 3: The Reality of Sex & Intimacy for Black Women

Memo 3: The Reality of Sex & Intimacy for Black Women

Let’s Be Honest About What Sex Is…

Have you ever taken a moment to think about all the things that you can't do simply because you are a woman? I'm not talking about because you have a physical illness that prevents you from being able to do these things, I am talking about the restrictions that society and patriarchy has placed on us to prevent us from taking our rightful place in society. Think about how many jobs or careers you have bypassed or over look simply because your brain tells you that you are in capable of doing such a job because you are a woman. How many things do you enjoy privately that you would never publicly acknowledge because you were taught that respectable women don’t enjoy those things? 

From a young age we are taught that we are not simply “not allowed”. I don’t know how many times I have seen parents, and I have done it myself on occasion #guilty, calling back to their daughters who have run outside shirtless as toddlers but not blinking an eye when young boys run outside in nothing more than a pamper. I’ve seen young boys rushing thru the house butt naked without a blink but as soon as a girl bends over to what YOU have sexualized as a “sexually suggestive” dance you pounce on her like a hyena attacking its prey.
By the time we are teenagers we have been conditioned to believe that virginity is a prized possession and pregnancy is the single most threat to their lives. Instead of teaching them about safe sex and encouraging the exploration of their sexuality in a productive way patriarchy chooses to scare them into abstinence and celibacy. Or even worse, teaches girls that sex is something you do when you love someone while teaching boys it is something that you do for fun.

The one thing I refuse to do with my daughter is lie to her about sex. I refuse to look her in the eye and tell her some outlandish Santa Clausy fairytale about sex being “something people so when they are in love”. I refuse to set her up like that and put her in situations that could be avoided if I told her the truth. No man will be able to whisper a few sweet nothings in her ears and have her falsely believing that in order to “prove” her love for him she has to give herself to him. 

Now more than ever, we have an OBLIGATION to have open and honest conversations with our children (boy and girl) about sex and the responsibility of sex. With all of these predators walking among us we have to have these conversations with our children sooner than we are mentally and emotionally prepared.

Sex positive education is NEEDED. We as parents are afraid to have these conversations because we ourselves don’t fully understand the difference between sex and love.  

We’ve got to figure this shit out.



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