A New Era of Black Men Have Hijacked "Nerd Culture" to Use Being a "Blerd" as A Weapon to Antagonize Black Women and Here We Go Letting It Happen, Again
It's hard to believe that just over a year ago I, too, found myself expending hours of free emotional labor and wasting valuable precious time to engage in heated debates and arguments with individuals who were hellbent on "missing" the message and willingly swimming in a pool of obtuseness. These days I prefer watching the conversation from the outside, collecting insight from both positions and providing my delicious twist of "opinion" here in the comfort of my digital home. Both protecting my sanity and my account. Between the never ending rush of notifications and the never failing "report trend", a woman's opinion and/or position isn't safe in these Facebook streets.
Anyway, I’ve been watching this “blerd” argument take over my timeline for three days now and I am tired for you. A conversation, that started with talks of how Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino is too "problematic" to be hailed the new face of Black wokeness and how he shouldn't be allowed to speak on certain issues due to his acknowledged "preference" for non-black women and past comedic skits that were offensive to Black women, has turned into a discussion about why Black "men" who self-identify as "blerds" do not date Black women. I’ve stayed out of the discussion mainly, because this isn't my particular park to play ball in. I am honest enough with myself to know that true "nerd" culture is not for me.. However, taking into consideration the fact that I was once classified and treated as one in my younger years, I think that I can objectively point out where the miscommunication is occurring in the conversation for “some”.
Nerdism and Pop Cultures influence on "nerds" in society....
Before I dive in let me clarify the traditional definition of what a "nerd" is for those who are too young to remember what it meant to be a "nerd" growing up in the 90s.
1. a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
2. "one of those nerds who never asked a girl to dance" or a single-minded expert in a particular technical field. "a computer nerd"
Nobody wanted to be a nerd. Nobody. I am seriously trying to wrap my head around why, and how, all of a sudden everyone wants to be classified as one. Being a "nerd" was something that every person worked overtime to avoid being known as. It was like the social kiss of death. The closer you got to high school, the more determined you were to be anything but the "class nerd". It wasn't uncommon for students, specifically and especially Black students, to intentionally play the role of "dumb" opting to take on the role of "class clown" because for some reason, being the butt of the joke (or being the initiator of a joke) was far better for your reputation. Unfortunately, for those of us old enough to remember, nerds were the prime targets for grade school bullies looking to make a name for themselves.
Pop culture, and those that determine social class, have always painted the picture of the nerd as someone who was more academically advanced than their peers. A nerd has always been described as the socially awkward kid sitting in the far corner of the cafeteria reading books on Quantum Physics or working on some "science fair project". The nerd was always described as the undateable and because they were so far removed from "pop culture" any attempt to form an actual friendship and/or relationship with them would be a struggle because of the huge gap relatable information. Simply put. Nerds were from Mars. And they drooled.
The legacy of the "nerd" had its bright side, if you wish to call it that. The nerd was the person in your class that you knew you could count on to have the homework assignment done, correctly. For no other reason, you knew that if you had a good nerd friend by your side, the promise of graduation was a guarantee. You knew that he or she was so desperate for attention and to be "cool" that they would give you the shirt of their backs if they thought it meant they had a new friend. And typically, people who did befriend a nerd did so in secret and/or treated them so poorly in public that they might as well have been their bully. To be honest, they were. Every nerd had a "bully" and usually through that It was just the way life worked.
The most iconic and realistic depictions of what it was like to be a Black nerd in an urban setting was Steve Urkel. With being taken seriously, teased and bullied, treat it like a secondhand friend by his suppose in alleged best friend Eddie and being treated as a disease by the woman that he held space for in his heart. We watched about eight seasons of Steve Urkel battling to find his place and love who he was as a person, and yet here we are still.
The struggles he faced are by far the most accurate depiction of life as a "blerd" to date. Black girls like Myra, while gorgeous and extremely intelligent, were often dubbed as "boring" and less likely to be asked out due to most choosing to focus primarily on their studies rather than putting out. Does that sound a bit slut shamey? Sure it does, but the truth is the truth and there is no way around what it was.
The truth is, most of you were not nerds. You were the latter and proud.
I was a nerd, and I paid for it...
I went through an awkward stage when I finally reached middle school. I wasn't the coolest kid and my social skills were horrible. I was smart as a whip and probably knew more about math than my teachers, thanks to my step-fathers unhealthy obsession with math. To add to that, the universe wanted a laugh on my behalf and found it fitting to force my eyes into a pair of bifocals from the age of 6 to 9. Picture it, there I was a scrawny little awkward kid, with skinny little Olive Oil legs, knobby knees, carrying around enough math equations to put a grad student to shame and on top of all of that, had the nerve to be wearing bifocal glasses. Clearly, the universe had jokes from the jump.
"Math makes the world go 'round, Jenn.", he would say. "If you want to rule the world, you have to know math."
This was the speech he gave me every day when it was time for me to "do my lessons". I was that kid who couldn't come outside because I had to do my practice lessons. He always preached against going the grain and doing the opposite of what others thought was cool. He most definitely had the Bill Cosby "Pound Cake" syndrome. He was anti-hood, anti-anything remotely relative to "blackness" and went out of his way to make sure that we did not live in or around neighborhoods where "Blackness" was dominate yes, he was known to dip and dive in the valley of mayo from time to time. In fact, he had been married twice before my mother (big surprise) and at least one of those women were White. One for sure. Drew. I'll talk about Drew later.
I was homeschooled from the 3rd to the 7th grade. Part of that was due to the fact that from 9 to 12 we were technically "fugitives" (again, I'll touch on that later) so sending me to a school would have triggered unnecessary attention and since the FBI was looking for him, homeschool was the only option for me and my brother. Friends weren't really an option because we were either moving constantly or being so heavily monitored to prevent any slip ups that other kids were literally kept at arms length. I had no real friends, and the one I did have, my dad hated (again, another story). Because of this I missed out on some very key socialization that, for my age, was critical when learning how to deal with people and develop healthy relationships. While other kids were learning about best friends and first crushes, I was in the basement of some row house my dad rented out as an "office" helping him to taxes that he was legally banned from doing (don't ask, Ill tell you later).
When we first moved to Baltimore back in 1995, I stood out like a sore thumb. The Black kids in my new neighborhood had already been peeping me out and had assessed that I was pretty much a pushover. And they were right. I had never had a fight before in my life unless you count the number of times I "fought" my dad. I had no experience dealing with kids who thought education and being "proper" was lame and didn't see it's significant value. I won't lie, part of me being picked on was "my" fault because I did have a very snotty and "better than thou..." attitude. I was raised to believe I was better than the "hoodlums in the city". He believed that by being submerged in urban cities and spending too much time with "Blacks" below our income level would expose us to bad habits, ideals and blah blah. He believed being the "token" was the way in. I'll attribute that mindset to the significantly large 30 year age gap between him and my mother.
I always found it funny that the same people my dad spent so much time trying to separate himself from the same people he grew up with that he ultimately ended up right back where he fought so hard to get away from. What's even more interesting is that the minute he got into "trouble" the first place he ran us back to was the "hood". A place where he knew secrets stay, snitches get stitches and covering would be offered without question. How ironic.
Naturally, for me, transitioning from that kind of sheltered environment to a more urban and cultured environment was a huge shock and it took me a long time to adjust. I don't think I fully converted until I was at the end of my 8th grade year. Growing up in a multi-cultural environment (mixed neighborhoods full of middle working class families in Los Angeles County) I was so use to being about to immediately blend in. I knew how to function with the White kids. I knew how to vibe with the Latinos/Mexicans, I knew how to work my way around the Asians. But Black kids were something new for me and it didn't take me long to figure out that while I may have been the "it girl" amongst other cultural groups, I was a "lame" and "cornball" standing next to the other Black kids. We didn't listen to rap in the house so I couldn't discuss the latest music videos and I had no idea who half of the people on the radio was. I wasn't allowed to watch most of the popular shows on TV so I was completely out of the loop when references to different Black movies and sitcoms were being made. I never played the dozens and clapping back to me literally meant clapping back. So if someone made a joke about me or my "mama", instead of firing back I cried and ran home.
I dressed differently too. Nothing I owned was name brand. In fact, I think I wore the same Route 66 aka Fake Timbs for years prior to moving to Baltimore and got nothing but nice comments about how "cool" my shoes were. I thought they were name brand. I was excited whenever I got a new pair and I wore them every chance I could. I found out really quick after moving to Baltimore that Route 66 was nothing but a knock-off "Timberland" boot and that people who wore fake or imitation items were at risk of heavy bullying. Of course, moms made me wear them but the minute I could get rid of them I did. I don't think I've worn a "Timb" or Timb inspired shoe since.
So let's recap, shall we?...
homeschooled and isolated during important years for socializing to avoid corrupting
overly intelligent (like seriously, why does a 9 year old need to know calculus??)
completely disconnected for urban pop culture of the time putting me at a disadvantage socially aka "awkward girl"
extremely sensitive and defenseless
Clearly, you can now see the plight of my dilemma.
Where the hell were you when I was shooting in gym...
The current argument (that has been popping up and cause chaos on my timeline every 6 months or so) from Black men is that Black women don’t date Black men who are "blerds" aka men who play video games, read comics, watch anime, etc. Because apparently that is what being a "nerd" means to them. Their argument is based on their idea of what being a male "blerd" has always meant to them. Black women/femme "Blerds" have been firing back with the argument that it is actually the other way around stating that it is the Black men do not date Black women who are "blerds".
Either side could be right or wrong. There are nuances and gaslighting taking place in both arguments.
Disclaimer: Taking into consideration the age gap, I realize that for a certain age group the spectrum of nerdom has expanded and in ways has been redefined for the newer generations. They somehow have managed to redefine nerd culture as this broad spectrum of liking various forms of pop culture outside of the black community, taking grungy photos to post with depressing statuses on Tumblr and making philosophical statuses related to social justice and social awareness. I don’t know how, but the newer generation has somehow managed to make nerdom "cool" and fairly political that’s fine for them. However, what I am not about to do, is sit here and allow the majority of the men (and women) I encounter in these debates who are between the ages of 28 and 45 to sit here and pretend to not understand what it was like for true nerds during our time, especially since right now they are the loudest voices in this discussion. All of which are old enough to remember why they know that I know that they know that they are a whole lie and a fraud.
You were Eddie, Waldo and a lot of you were Weasel, but you damn sure wasnt Steven...y'all so phoney
First, let's get one thing out of the way and agree that the men that have been arguing about this for the last 72 hours aren't true "blerds". None of these mean fit the defintion of what an actual "nerd" has been or currently is. This aggressive attempt to change the narrative of "Nerd culture" to use it as a weapon against Black women and women of color collectively is not only beyond desperate and but is a slap in the face to all of the Black men and women who have been "true" nerds their entire lives and have paid their nerd dues.
Black men who are now riding the "Blerd" train only enter into discussions about Black women not having an interest in "Black male nerds" as an attempt to justify their idea that opting to date White and/or non-Black women is unavoidable "for them" due to the lack of Black women fighting for the chance to date them. Because according to them video games and reading comics is so off-putting that Black women can't seem to get past it. This has literally happened never btw.
They jump into these arguments e-crying about not being able to find a "Black woman" or Black woman "blerd", accusing Black women of having the same "aesthetic" biases that they have when in reality their inability to find a Black woman is due to their poor presentation, lack of a kept appearance and ego that tells them that although they look like they dived head first into a pool of ash and "uglass" they are deserving of the Rihanna's of the world.
Sidenote: It’s my personal belief that they intentionally seek out women that they know they have absolutely no chance in hell with just so that they can be met with the anticipated rejection that they know it’s coming and have a reason or excuse to spew their anti-black sentiments to the world.
What's even crazier is that most of the men I see in the midst of these conversations were the same ones I would see picking on nerds in the hallways, stealing their homework, jacking their lunch money or lunch card and dumping trash on them because it was "funny". These same men were the jocks and dope boys on campus who couldn't be bothered with that "weak ass, gay shit" them "corny gay ass nerds" in the corner of the cafeteria was on.
Ironically, now these men have grown up to realize that high school doesn't last forever and that everyone was right when they told them to have a backup plan because going "pro" wasn't a guarantee. Those weight room practice bodies have turned into 18-wheeler tire bodies, their knees and backs are bad, they can't get a job that pays more than $12.50 because they spent so much time in class "clowning" and those "b*tches" who use to blow up their phones haven't bothered to call since word got out that they weren't going all pro and no one wants to be bothered with someone who can barely make enough to cover bills and can only afford to pay their unlicensed cousin to be their barber.
Everyone who was on that "lame" shit as you so graciously referred to it, has since moved on to further their careers, lifestyle and are all living rather pleasantly. Life and everyone in it has passed you by and now...
Now you guys want to be nerds. Now you want to be considered a part of the tribe of intellectuals because you watched a few Youtube videos and learned a few new words from Twitter. Now you guys are the "outcast" of society. You want to align yourselves with a group of individuals that you are responsible for inflicting pain on. I am not surprised and nobody else should be either. I call them "nuBlerds". A new collective of washed up high school populars who spent their 20s living in their past glory who now, at the tender age of 30 + something and disappointment, have rebranded themselves as blerds hoping to use the plight of the "nerd" to reimage themselves as the victim and oppressed in the eyes of the community in hopes that this conversation will deter from the conversation of the real reason they have fallen behind. Lack of responsibility and accountability for self.
Now you want to sit along side the same people who have been victims of your toxic masculinity and you want access to the same group of women (in addition to woman beyond your means) that have been victims of your misogynoir and disrespect. Mind you, most of the complainers won't even date a woman darker than a no. 2 pencil and God forbid she be overweight AND Black.
Let's be real. Black men are doing to the "nerd/blerd community" what White men are doing to the Hip Hop community. You are aggressively coming in and attempting to rewrite and erase the history of a marginalized group of individuals in an attempt to create a false narrative that you can then use as a weapon to silence the masses speaking out against you and control the messages that you are trying to push.
Because for them being a nerd isn't about the culture of nerdism nor is it about bringing change to what "nerd" has always meant in pop culture and society. It's about escaping responsibility. It's about having an excuse.
Black girls did NOT want to date Blerds and you hated the Myras, stop pretending you weren't Laura...
Don’t cancel me yet, at least let me finish...
I have been fingering through my archive of memories to see where I missed the moment where Black girls were comfortable walking around reciting Shakespeare and dressing up as Sailor Moon and where all of these girls were when "I" was in school. Seriously, when was this memo issued and why was I not CC'd on the copy?
I learned fast that sitting in class, paying attention, being alert and always the one to "answer" first was the fastest way to get you dumped in the "nerd" box. Nobody likes a smart ass or a teachers pet.
One of my lessons on what was or wasn't considered "cool" was me being yanked away from the only group of kids who made me feel "welcomed" to my new school. The first two days after I transferred I was completely invisible. I was alone and knew of no one in the school. I sat in class by myself and during recession I would sit at the tables by myself while all of the cliques congregated to catch up on their between class gossip. The first person to speak to me was a Black alternative girl. She wasn't technically a "nerd" but her "appearance" and interests made her a fair target all the same. I remember her approaching my table and asking me what my name was. After talking with me for a few seconds, she invited me over to a part of the field where she and a few others were sitting away from the "rest". I hopped on the opportunity, grabbing my stuff and following her across the field. I looked nothing like them and had no idea what was going on, but they were nice to me and out of everyone there they were the first to acknowledge my presence. Of course, that did not stop the stares from my peers from burning holes into my back. I felt every look.
It took about 2 weeks before one of the "more popular" Black girls approached me right before lunch to "invite" me to hang out with her and her friends. She noted that she had been watching me for a few days and was trying to figure out why I was hanging out with a "group of lame weirdos". She noted that because I was Black and "pretty", I was suppose to be hanging out with the other Black and pretty girls. Eager to fit in and learn how to relate to my "own", I jumped shipped abandoning the girl who initially made me feel welcome. Ironically three days later, that Black girl and her "friends" jumped me on the basketball court. Something about someone said I said something that I didn't say and I needed to learn the "rules".
Shout out to the two girls (twins - T & T) who jumped in to "help" me.
After that I had sworn off "popular" Black girls and said to myself that my daddy was right. They were nothing but trouble. I went back to hanging out with my "nerd/alt" friends. However, when they "showed" up at my door a few days later to "apologize" for the misunderstanding I, admittedly, accepted and proceeded to re-establish a connection because I wanted to fit in once again completely running out on the kids who didn't require me to change or be anything but what I was.
It should be noted that the girl and I did remain friends throughout the next few years we went to school together although we didn't hang out much due to appearance and perception. The nerd (me) had become a butterfly and there was no way I was going back to being the outcast. I was in and I wanted to stay in.
My new group of friends made sure to give me the rundown on what to do and what not to do. Which included who to hang out with and who not to hang out with for reputation and cool purposes. I also got a few lessons on was acceptable to date. Dudes that "I" considered attractive and cool where lame or "geeks" to the other girls. I liked studious boys who were clean cut and "pretty" for a lack of a better word. They preferred the rougher male.
True blerds have a certain aesthetic, a certain flow about them that makes them undeniably identifiable and to be fair, it is true that most Black women are not attracted to that "brand" of nerd and/or blerd because Black women, especially Black women from urban areas, are very much about aesthetic. We can't leave the house without our baby hairs laid out in the perfect form of an "S" curl, so it would be intellectually dishonest to sit here and pretend that "we" don't give or have never given pushback. But that pushback doesn't completely rule these men out from the dating pool. It just means expanding the pool.
And let’s not pretend that adopting the nerd or alternative person, hasn't also created a path for black women to date within certain groups that would ultimately turn up their noses at your existence. Black men aren't the only ones who gravitate towards Asian and/or non-black persons in the alternative communities. The reasons "why" could very well be a result of the lack of interest Black men in these communities have in alt Black women, but it could also very well be women Blerds are also just as obsessed with the idea of being with their favorite K-Popper. Like I said, the argument is complex and obviously has layers to it but facts can not be disputed and my Facebook timeline suggests that there is an equal amount of fetishizing and obsession coming from both groups.
The fact remains that most would not have been caught dead mixing spit with a male "blerd". Black girls who were sought after and even those who fell along the line of "average" wouldn't be caught dead entertaining the likes of a "geek" or "nerd". Status was everything. The faux outrage being displayed about the "Myras" of the world being ignored is nothing more than an attempt to bandwagon on the backs of those who actually SHOULD be offended and upset. You are using their anger and hurt as a tool to aid in "your" plight against the Black male collective in the same manner that these men are using the plight of male Blerds as a weapon against Black women collectively. I know this and so do you. So, why are we sitting here playing these games like "we" don't know better?
...and to be honest, some "Nerds/Geeks" were simply perverts and hypersexual. That's just what it was...
I gave a nerd a chance once. Just once. I was about 11 or 12 years old. He was a boy at my church maybe a year younger than I was. I felt bad for him because he was the token. People only hung out with him because he went to our church and it was unavoidable. He had a crush on everybody and everybody was disgusted by him. I felt bad for him because outside of his repulsive appearance (sorry, it is what it is) he was actually pretty cool. Since I wasn't allowed to have boyfriends, or boys that were friends, we had to keep our communication with each other a secret. Then he blew it.
I'll never forget the horror I felt walking into choir rehearsal one Saturday morning to rumors that I had lost my virginity to this boy. Not only did the rumor say that I lost my virginity, but it was said that I lost it in the choir's changing room inside the church.
Wait, what? I was heated. I cried. I already felt out of place standing next to the rest but now I had to carry this burden around like an anchor because no matter how hard I tried to deny the allegations, kids are going to be kids. That particular rumor followed me around well into my late teenage years. That is until I returned to Baltimore after several years away in California and found that even after all the years that had passed he was still running around spreading that same rumor. Being able to say that he "banged" me gave him some kind of respect. It made him one of the "cool" guys.
I beat him up. Literally, I put paws to face and feet to ass. I beat him so bad he immediately retracted his previous claims, admitting that he had lied the entire time and unnecessarily ruined my reputation to gain clout amongst the older males in the group. Unfortunately, it was a little too late for damage control but I learned a valuable lesson.
Black male Nerds are trash too and sometimes in ways worse than their Black male counterparts of other cultures.
Rape culture is something that is quietly upheld in the male nerd communities. Just as fast as a non-nerd male will attempt to push his way through to get what he wants, nerds go about it in a more subtle, unnoticed roundabout way. Opting to use the likes of alcohol and drugs to get past the initial mouth throw-up reaction that most women have when first approached. Sometimes, this is even encouraged on part of their "male" subjects they are seeking acceptance from as "proof" of their manhood. I know of way too many women who were tricked or drugged into having sexual relations or encounters with nerd/geek men and were shamed out of reporting the incident or speaking out because of their "questionable" sexual history.
One day, we will talk about that.
There's a big ol' elephant in the room that everyone is ignoring...
It is important that we acknowledge that there is a difference between being a "nerd", "goth", "emo", "geek", etc., and while they all fall under the umbrella of "alternative" they have distinct differences and cultures of their own that should be respected and not used interchangeably as a weapon to strengthen weak arguments. In fact, there was a time (and I have seen it as of late) where the distinction mattered and certain sub-groups of alternative individuals refused to mingle with other sub-groups of alternative kids. I have seen many fights begin because someone got called "emo" when they are "goth". The difference matters and should be respected.
Reducing nerd culture and the mistreatment "nerds" have endured for generations from their peers for merely looking, thinking and behaving differently to simply "reading comics, cosplaying and watching Anime” is completely erasing and dismissing the trauma of a LOT of people, especially Black alternative/nerd kids growing up in the inner city. Where carrying too many books home on your walk from school could make you a target.
It all boils down two things: aesthetic and authenticity.
Some of you are truly just "fad" nerds. Some of you became nerds as a way to differentiate and separate yourself for the general collective. It was your way to stand out and be able to dub yourself as "better than". You take pride, and took pride, in being the only "black" goth or "go-to" blerd on campus. The idea of being the "token" in your crew was appealing to your need for ego and trust me I know all to well what that kind of "power" can do to a severely starving ego. Because for some reason, Blacks alternative kids were always treated better by their white counterparts. I knew a whole lot of self-proclaimed "Oreos". Skin dark as mine but they were an "Oreo". I never bothered to ask why.
Then there are those of you who only recently discovered nerdom as a way to cope with your declining social life and stagnant progress in life. Yes, I am talking to you. You are late life nublerds. The ones who discovered Pokemon go and all of a sudden think you are an expert on the history of Pikachu. You are the ones who have become so socially awkward (usually of your own doing) that you have been forced into groups of people that you wouldn't normally blink twice at.
In a desperate last attempt of relevance, to find some form of acceptance, you have latched yourself on to this "weirdo/alternative/nerd" persona and begin to pollute the culture with your own misguided theology of what it means to "be". Usually, based on the same ideas you used as a teen to reject and/or strip the same group of people of their humanity that you are now trying to play up to. Google is your best friend. Likes and shares are your drug of choice. Anything that gets a new follower get you high, you'll be on to something else next week.
That being said this argument is stupid, listen and put a cap on it....
To the women that are upset and wasting precious energy arguing: Girl, why do YOU care? Why should you? I don't and neither should you.
Even if this were an important argument to have (which in retrospect it is especially considering he "shift" that is taking place as newer generations continue to swoop in and redefine old ideologies and "rules" for living that we have followed for decades), the bulk of these male blerds who use the argument that Black women won't date them are not the type of men you would be checking for anyway and they know this. Tis the reason they use this as an argument. It's nothing more than a shaming tactic. Because they know from observation that "shaming" has become a powerful weapon. The mere accusation of being a person who has partaken in shaming someone for something, by and through social media definition of "shame", is enough to get people to change their tune. Simply put, they are using your own tactics and weaponized language against you to create dysfunction and confusion within the collective and you are playing right into their hands. You are letting them do it.
It only takes a click of a profile picture and two grammatically incorrect comments of deflection to know that you aren't dealing with an authentic nerd. You spending your time arguing with a collective of Black men who have somehow managed to take all of their misguided high school ideas of what "they" consider to be "nerd" and use that as a weapon against Black women in their fight for their "right to be mediocre white". It is nothing more than a self-justification of their anti-Blackness and attitude towards Black women after years of being denied access to Black women that they no longer have access to thanks to their fast declining years of "gold".
Instead of calling out the fact that they aren't true nerds and exposing them for what they are, you are allowing them to guide the conversation in a way that works in their favor. You are being pulled into a gaslighting circle of dodgeball where they use balls of deflection to stir the conversation away from their accused anti-blackness. These men don't care either way. They never did and they never will.
Because "true" authentic nerds are not out here arguing about minute things, nor are they spending their time worrying about who is or isn't dating them. They already know. Experience in history has taught them how to peacefully navigate this world and I can guarantee you that the man you are arguing with about this are indeed not nerds, they are lanes experience in history has taught them how to peacefully navigate this world and I can guarantee you that the man you are arguing with about this are indeed not nerds, they are lames,
Most nerds who spent their high school years hiding and rushing home from school have grown up to be the very men you lust after. The doctors, lawyers, IT specialists, etc. that are now deemed as the cream of the crop.
It's no coincidence that teen nerds grow up to be successful people who can then afford to go the Stephan route.