Ask Jenn: I Don't Like When My Boyfriend Hangs Out With His Friends, Am I Wrong?

Ask Jenn: I Don't Like When My Boyfriend Hangs Out With His Friends, Am I Wrong?
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Ask Jenn: I want my boyfriend to stay home…

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Question:

My boyfriend likes to run the streets with his boys every couple of weeks and sometimes he ends up staying with them. I hate it because we live together and I expect him home, is it wrong for me to want him home every single day? (His friends already thinks I'm controlling).

- Anon Gworl

AnsweR:

You said that your boyfriend likes to run the streets with his friends every couple of weeks and you have a problem with it because you want him at home with you. Because this was the only thing that you listed I'm going to assume that the only reason you want him home is because you don't want to be alone and for that reason I will say yes you are wrong and extremely selfish. That's just me being honest.

No one wants to feel as if they are being suffocated by their significant other. I could understand if he were going out with his friends every single day and spending every extra moment of his time with his friends as opposed to spending some of that time with you. I could also understand, if perhaps, him going out caused some kind of other issue to arise that makes you uncomfortable like him cheating or excessively flirting with other women (like my ex-husband did). But you not wanting him to go out simply because you don't have friends of your own or don't want to be home alone is not a good enough reason for you to try and prevent him from having a life separate of your own.

All couples need breathing room. It is vital to the survival of your relationship.

What you are saying is that you don't want your boyfriend to have a life outside of you and that's not healthy for either of you. His life cam't be all about you (and it shouldn't) and your life should not be all about him. You each need and deserve to enjoy yourselves individually and on your own time. Besides, you live together. Living with someone is already stressful. As much as I hated him going out (because going out usually ended horribly) I came to enjoy those Friday nights that I would have the house to myself (after the kid was asleep) while he was out. I came to cherish those 4 or 5 hours I would have to do whatever it was that I wanted to do without having to hear someone complaining, bothering me or trying to shove their man meat in my face while I'm trying to mind my business and catch up on Criminal Minds on the couch.

The one thing that I learned when I was married was that quality time with yourself as well as people outside of your home is a good thing and can be therapeutic. There were many times where me spending a few hours away from the home kept me sane and made the difference. 

I'd say leave him alone. If you don't like being at home by yourself when he is out find you some business and tend to it. Go out with your homegirls, do something different with your hair, draw something, count your fingers...do something to occupy your time and stop being so irky. Learn how to be okay with being by yourself. Learn how to be able to sit with yourself. 

You're welcome.

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