Dating has been nothing short of an adventure for me. I have met some wild characters in the last few years. I think that I can say that I have probably ran into almost every type of man there is in some form. Whether it was through a casual encounter, multiple party conversation or by design. Having had my fair share of dating “Hell No” scenarios I have a long list of “Not on my last leg” types that, if offered the opportunity, I would drown myself in chloride before going down that route again. Here’s my top 8:
1. The overly anti-feminist/pro-feminist ally.
First, I should let it be known that I do not believe that “men” can BE feminist nor do I believe that no man can truly be a feminist as being a feminist requires one to be completely sold to the idea of women’s rights and as a cis(identifying)-male (regardless of sexual orientation) it is impossible for you to be completely for women’s rights and liberation. That is my belief and I won’t argue about it so don’t try. It’s pointless.
I am also not a “feminist”, although I do carry and house some feministic ideals.
That being said, I get instant heartburn and a throbbing migraine whenever I encounter either of these types of men. The anti-feminist male will go on rant for hours about how feminism destroyed the Black family unit and blah blah blah which will ultimately lead to me having to correct and fact check him. By the end of the night I am emotionally exasperated, annoyed and turned off at the aggressive obtuseness presented and at the end of the day he still believes that men are superior to women, and that feminism is the sole cause of all pains and suffering that men endure. Despite the fact that feminism has been a benefit to men just as much as it has benefitted women.
It should also be mentioned that just because a woman's ideals align with those that are feminist, the does not mean that she doesn't want to be treated with respect. If you are a Black man dating a Black woman who considers herself to be feminist, you should do yourself a favor by researching what feminism is and what it means to BLACK women before engaging in conversation on the topic. Find out what feminism means to HER specifically an as an individual as feminism tends to have a different definition depending on the woman and sub-category she falls under.
On the other side of the coin, the pro-feminism ally male takes another, equally frustrating, approach by insisting on “proving” how much he is down for “Black women”. You will hear he regurgitating information that he read from someone else, constantly reposting or quoting pro women mantras and affirmations. He tries to over compensate on behalf of his “aint shit” brethren by redirecting his hyper masculinity towards other males in hopes of proving just how pro feminism he really is. But under the surface, he is just like the rest.
I’ve encountered both of these men and because I like having edges, they have been completely crossed off my list.
2. The “She Just Wants My Money/But I’m A Nice Guy” crybaby.
"She is just after the money!”
"These types of women are high maintenance”
"They demand that a man should finance all her luxuries in life.”
“To her, the man has the responsibility to pay for dinners, drinks, trips, jewelry, flowers etc. while she absolutely feels compulsion or guilt to reciprocate."
Simply put, I steer clear of men who allow things like this to come from their lips or fingers because experience has taught me that usually the ones barking these statements the loudest lack the ability and/or funds to get the type of women they want. It just so happens that the type of women they want or feel as though they should have access to are the ones who fit this exact prototype. These men are venting out of actual dislike or hate for these type of women. They are venting and angry that these type of women are out of their reach because they lack the resources to pull a woman of status. The painful truth is most of the women who fit the above descriptions are doing fairly well and much better than the men singing these songs through their tears.
It’s easy to pick these men out of the dating basket. They will make remarks about past dates and relationships and their complaints will always center around being “taken advantage of” by some mystical woman who they treated like a “queen” and yet still played them. cue the violins.
They will try their best to position a woman with standards and a woman who requires effort as a prostitute in disguise. They are more than willing to drop penis in your underwear but the minute you suggest that they pick up an extra tab they will be the first to try and label you as a greedy person with no perception of feelings for others. They will accuse you of only being concerned with getting what you want.
These are the typical “nice guys”. The ones who open doors, call you queen, send you flowers and tag you on Facebook when a cute meme passes their timelines until that one day you have the audacity to open your mouth to ask for something or…reject them altogether.
3. The overly hopeless romantic.
I love everything about love. I love the idea of it. I love the feel of it. I love what it looks like. I love what it represents. I am a hopeless romantic myself and I love “corny”. But dammit there is a limit to it all and one person can only take but so much.
Men who fall under this category tend to live in this perfect world made of bubblegum and lemon drops. These men visualize relationships in the same manner that women typically envision how a relationship is suppose to go and it has been my experience from dating these types of men that eventually, their need for romance will overpower your own need placing you in a position of masculine energy that is unbalanced for you.
Note: Here is where “I” don’t fit in the world of "most" feminist…
I am very much a fan of “gender roles” as it pertains to a heterosexual male and female dynamic. “FOR ME” I prefer for there to be set duties assigned to myself and to the man that I am with. As much as I am fully capable of changing my own tires or assembling a cover table, I personally have no desire to do either especially when there is a man around. I will move to the side to make room for the male present to take over. I’m not doing it. Sorry. There are just some things that I have no desire to do (although I could) and it has every thing to do with the fact that I am a woman and don’t feel as though I should have to. (shrugs)
That being said, the overly hopeless romantic man tends to strip that away with their own neediness and need for validation and pampering. While I have no problem reciprocating feelings or gestures made to me, I do have an issue with having to assume the roll of “pamperer” on a consistent basis.
Also, they are way too clingy and develop feelings at rapid rates that I am uncomfortable with. I don’t like being put into situations where I feel as though I am emotionally trapped because of how someone else feels about me when I am simply not there yet.
4. The "Attached Mommas Boy/I Hate My Momma She Ruined My Life” Boy.
Similar to the anti/pro feminist male, he actually hates women. Of course, if you present this idea to him he is going to swear that he loves women but he is making the mistake of interpreting his love for having SEX with women with his love FOR women. And there is a difference.
On one hand, an attached momma’s boy hates any woman who isn’t like his momma. His mother has been a safety net for him his entire life, more than likely repeatedly putting herself on the line for him to cover for his mistakes and remove accountability from his care. His mother has crippled him and made it impossible for any woman to be seen as “good enough” short of her damn near killing herself to appease his unhealthy need to “marry his mother”.
The man who hates his mother carries that hate over to all women. They often look down on women accounting a long list of all the injustice and transgressions of every woman that they shared a relationship with. To him, all women are “hoes", “gold-diggers" and can’t be trusted. These men have boiling rage at women that can, at any given moment explode, and it’s all fueled by their hate for the one who did or did not raise them.
I am not about to compete with you mother and I am certainly not about to waste my time trying to “prove” myself, my worth or my value to you because you have some unhealthy attachment or resentment for your mother.
5. The insecure Guy Who Cheats So He Thinks Everyone Cheats Too.
Very pleasant, loving and accommodating at first, treating all women well. Three months later, when all of his innermost insecurities come floating to the surface, he is that guy who is annoyingly calling the woman he is dating at least ten times a day, asking where are you, who you are with or aggressively insisting that you are somewhere choking on a penis because you took too long to answer the phone. Because, that’s what “he” would be doing.
This man demands frequent and persistent reassurance that you love him and you find him attractive; because of this insecurity, he worries continuously about your hair, make up, clothes etc. He is practically obsessed with how you look and what you look like when you aren’t in his presence because his insecurities won’t allow him to deal with the fact that you can be faithful. In his mind, the sexier you look to him the higher the chances are that you will cheat because if the shoe were on the other foot, he’d be cheating.
Dating these type of mean was fun when I was younger because I, like most women, interpreted this kind of obsession as love and being cared for. It wasn’t until much later that I realized that this type of relationship and this type of man can lead to death if not checked and properly handled.
When you are dealing with someone who can be clingy, needing constant attention and insistently torments you with his thoughts that you will leave him soon if you find someone better you are literally playing with your life. I don’t chance it. Neither should you.
6. The abstract or elusive type.
He is romantic but with a mysteriously dark side. He has been hurt in past relationships and has not gotten over it. Past bad experiences drive him to subconsciously stay way from or damage any new relationship. He is frustrating to deal with and hard to figure out, as he at first, will show a lot of interest, which seems to disappear out of nowhere. He seems to always try to run away quickly in hopes that his withdrawal will spark a something in you that "needs" to know more, thus causing you to chase him; he will repeat this cycle again and again. He will date, flirt and act as if you are "together", but will insist that you both remain as friends and "take it slow" because he isn't ready.
I am 32, not 18. I am not in the mood for the mysterious “dark” type of guy. There is nothing appealing about having to pry conversation or details out of man and as a woman raising a daughter I have a duty to both myself and my daughter to have full knowledge of “everything” pertaining to a man I am dating. I don't want to “find out later” or “learn about it as we get to know one another”. I ask questions for a reason because “I” know what it is I am looking for and I know what it is that will get you cut off.
I am not interested in waiting around while you “find yourself” in your 30s. I don’t expect you to have it all because I am still a work in progress but you need to, at the very least, have a good understanding of where it is you want to go and be able to articulate those goals in form of conversation. Being difficult to deal with, elusive but stand offish isn’t something that I am interested in combatting.
7. The Desperate Mister.
He is desperate to get married and find his “good thing”. He isn’t concerned about capability. He doesn’t care about differing beliefs or goals. He barely knows your last name and forget asking when your birthday is but, he wants to get married. He is in love after 3 weeks and has already proposed the idea of moving in together. More than likely he sudden need to keep married is fueled by some traumatic experience of life-altering revelation or event that shakes him up and causes him to feel like “settling down” would be the best option.
Experience has taught me that men who are desperate to walk down the isle and slap their last name onto some poor woman’s back is usually in some sort of financial bind that they need assistance with, he either is going to jail or just got out of jail, someone he once cared about is now in a relationship or married and he feels the need to “one up” that person but having a wedding that he isn’t ready for emotionally.
Men who are truly ready to settle down don’t tend to just jump into situations on a whim. Men who want valuable relationships typical take the time to properly court and get to know the woman they are interested in.
8. The Controlling Man with a Caring Plan.
I’ve dated men who seemed as if they were so caring. They came off as protective and always looking out for my well-being, but after a while I began to feel suffocated and restricted within whatever situation I was in, frantically looking for an escape route.
We all know a man like this. He can be very nasty in a very subtle way, but when given the opportunity, will direct each phase of your life. These are the men who an be found on Facebook reposting memes and recycling statuses asking stupid questions like, “How many women can say they only slept with 5 guys?”, or “How many woman can say they don’t go out every weekend?”. It’s “funny” on Facebook and it seems cute to see a man roll up in her girlfriends comments to make childish and absurd remarks to other men in an attempt to assert his dominance and make his “presence” known (as if other men really care anyway) but offline this kind of behavior translates to violence and abuse of the physical, mental and emotional kind.
The Pisces Man.
Pisces (males) are trash. Y'all are overly emotional. Obsessive. Delusional. Manipulative as crap. Y'all will lie about anything, no matter what it is and you will always stretch the truth. Y'all lie so much you eventually begin to believe the lie is real. You are too eager to be accepted. Always need to be in somebodies face. Pisces (males) are the "Can we still be friends?" Kings. You are only a step and a half above Cancer men and Skip It behind Scorpios.
Pisces men ALWAYS need validation and confirmation. Like every damn thing they do requires a doggy treat and a pat on the head. Pisces mean are worst than Pitbull puppies. Always have to pay attention to them. Always having to reassure them of themselves. Always having to confirm something that doesnt need to be confirmed.
As a Libra woman, I value my alone time. I don't like being crowded. I like having my own thing going on separately and then having "our thing" for us. I don't like my personal space and hobbies infringed on. Pisces men simply do not know what “boundaries” are and they will intentionally try to impose themselves where they are not wanted at the moment. They don’t know what individuality is. Every Pisces man I have met has felt as though they needed to be included in every portion of my life EVEN if they did not particularly fit. Like seriously sir, why are you upset because I won’t add you to a group chat with myself and 6 of MY homegirls?
Pisces men love to use the "If you wont someone else will" approach to solving all of their problems. They will use this rhetoric until it dies, literally. They are serial cheaters who are simply BAD at it because every Pisces I know has gotten caught.
If you can’t tell, I despise Pisces men. I won’t apologize for it. Stay away from me.
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